News!!!!!!

the day has finally come where i find whether or not i passed the bar exam. results were returned and the answer is that i've been sitting in front of the computer for 2 hours while the website is unavailable while the results are being posted. i think i'm going crazy! excuse me, i mean "i think i've gone crazy!"

I wish... she was mine.

When I taught you
at eight to ride
a bicycle, loping along
beside you
as you wobbled away
on two round wheels,
my own mouth rounding
in surprise when you pulled
ahead down the curved
path of the park,
I kept waiting
for the thud
of your crash as I
sprinted to catch up,
while you grew
smaller, more breakable
with distance,
pumping, pumping
for your life, screaming
with laughter,
the hair flapping
behind you like a
handkerchief waving
goodbye.

"To a Daughter Leaving Home", Linda Pastan


This is going to sound crazy. When Anika was a teeny tiny baby I broke down. I broke down daily but this time it was over something that was a seeming eternity away... my daughter leaving home. She couldn't even sit up yet and here I was bawling at the mere, and first, realization that she didn't belong to me. I realized that the day would come when she would move away from home. I realized that the day would come when she would slam the bedroom door and say "I hate you Mom". I looked at her little angel face and knew she wouldn't know how much I love her until she cradles her own.

I must admit. I must admit I was more attached to the nursing than she was. I liked to tell myself and others that it was only a nutritional thing, but, I am heartbroken it is over. All those days of nursing and cursing it. "Oh, I can't wait until this is over and she can eat a happy meal." I love watching her grow but I hate the days passing. Phases and stages coming and going, never to return.

And the fear. I fear her going away from me. Unspeakable fear.

Anika's self-weaning has been a lesson in letting go. This is my first little practice test, and I am failing miserably. I love her. She is part of me.

What if she meets some boy someday and moves away, far away? (I already want to kill that SOB!)

Anika, darling, my wittle one. You will know what this is like someday. Someday you will know what this love, this incredible love, feels like.

Beautiful daughter, you have brought me happiness. I want to freeze time and keep you just like you are. But... I want you to grow and discover who you are. Each day. Each moment. Just having you. It is enough. Because of you, I have enough. I am enough. It is enough. You are my joy.


I tried to tell her:
This way the twig is bent.
Born of my trunk and strengthened by my roots,
you must stretch newgrown branches
closer to the sun
then I can reach.

I wanted to say:
Extend my self to that far atmosphere
only my dreams allow.

But the twig broke,
and yesterday I saw her
walking down an unfamiliar street,
feet confident
face slanted upward toward a threatening sky,

and

she was smiling
and she was
her very free,
her very individual,
unpliable
own.

-Offspring, Naomi Long Madgett



Mom, I know. I know.

park with Janna and "Emmy"

HAPPY 4 CUTIE PIE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMET !!!!
We love you :)

86 JACE ESPENOZA

CHEERS, TO THE LAND OF SERVERS, JACE HAS BEEN FIRED! (that's water in my glass)

Down the drain

$692.86

Oh, how short our time together was.

Next time you clean...

Do you know that feeling that you get when you start to let little messes pile up around the house, and you put them off for another day?  Ever thought what might happen if you put off cleaning for a few years?

Here's a real life example to answer that hypothetical question.

So, take a day off from cleaning, and just tell yourself "At least I'm not as bad as that poor sucker."

ha ha ha!

Mom, I am laughing out loud! Cara said you saw my post last night and that I deleted it. She said you were worried. Too funny. I was regretting my swear words, even though they really were in the context of "female dog". I will re-post, censored:



"HOUSEBROKEN"

I have been thinking about the term "housewife".

It's creepy.

The first thing that comes to mind... say... if I were doing a word-association psychological evaluation, is "housebroken".

"Is your dog housebroken yet?", says the man to the other man.

"Not quite... but she is going wee wees on newspaper.", says the other man.

"Ours is an outside dog. She sleeps, though, in the garage.", says the man.

____________________________________________________________________


"Does your wife stay at home?", says the man to the other man.

"Yeah... but she does sell tupperware.", says the other man.

"Mine is VP of sales. She sleeps, though, in another mans bed.", says the man.


Is there some sort of status men hold if "their woman" stays at home? What is "stay at home" supposed to mean, anyway? I go lots of places. And what if Brandon is my man?

Is there some sort of status men hold if "their woman" has a high-power job? What is a high-power job anyway? I am controlling. I want one of those.

At the rodeo parade yesterday, a big crew (herd, flock, whatever...) of bikers rolled down Tabernacle. I scanned quickly to find a woman, just one, who was driving one of those bikes. None! You had better believe that if Brandon and I ever join Hells Angels, I'm going to be the one driving. I want to feel that big motor rattle between my thighs as much as the next guy.

Has the feminist movement taught us nothing?We have the vote, so why not the handlebars? Drive that bike, ladies. Make that greasy guy choke on your hair as that free blowin' wind whips across your pretty little face.

Mom, it just occurred to me that you may miss some of my generation's pop culture terms. It is perfectly normal, and funny!, to call Brandon my b*****. It's supposed to make you laugh! I know I am laughing!!!!!!! No more late night posts for me!!!!!!!!!!! It was one of those moments like when you almost posted: Missing Woman, or whatever. And I wish you had posted that!
I have learned to sleep on it.

rodeo parade

We took Anika to the rodeo parade and she loved if, of course. She waves at the beauty queens, loves dancing to the bands, and especially loves any of the big trucks. Next year we will for sure take her to the rodeo.


rodeo.
mama likes.

housewife

i think the b might be trying to put me on an undercover diet. whenever he goes grocery shopping he comes home without my requested junk items. why i oughta.... he says he doesn't want the junk in the house because he doesn't want to eat it. i was unaware anyone was forcing it down his throat. i'm having a hard time coaxing myself to bed without my ice cream. he bought a cantaloupe. i'm surprised i could even identify it as a cantaloupe, as it's been so long since someone has carried a fruit across the threshold of this joint. nothing but one measly twix to last me through a sabbath? ... oh no he didn't. implied pronunciation: dit-ten. in context: "i got pregnant by yo baby's daddy." "oh no you dit-ten." or... "step off", said Tyrone. "oh no you dit-ten!", exclaimed Shanequa.

goodnight.

Headed to the Big Wedding!

Well, we are leaving in the a.m.. Headed to the East coast again! Wasn't I just there? Thank you girls, and mom for all the babysitting to help me get prepared. (or overdone?). I couldn't pull it off with out my sistas. This goes for you too Andrea. Sorry I didn't get a chance to call you back today. Sounds like we have a lot to catch up on. ( Mr. Ochs, huh, that is so weird) I am totally exhausted but somehow I will pull it off. Next time I'll pass on the pedicure, fake tan, and the salon. I'm starting to think I need to go au natural again. It would be alot easier! Bon Voyage!

XOXO
Janna

P.S.
Rumor has it, Mikes mom is planning some crazy ending after the i-do's. Something having to do with trumpets, everyone singing, and the song All you need is Love by the Beatles. I'm sure I will have a lot to tell you when I get back.

New living arrangements/ Mammoth mountain

kissing cousins

Big Night

Big night for the Big B.
And a great night for the rest of us!
Thanks Cara! And B!

Do Not Stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circle flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there. I did not die.

Mary E. Frye

Alex, I love you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAKE !

lu's moving give-away

i have several things i need to get rid of. i would love to give these things away to people i know who would want them and use them. don't be afraid to ask because if you don't, i will have to throw it all way. if you change your mind after i bring them to san jorge, then not a big deal because these things are not far sale, only for give-away. i don't have the time or energy to try and sell them. i can take pictures on my phone when i get to california and if someone can post them to the blog, then you can see what they look like. but, anyway, here's the list:
1. 1 floor lamp (kinda plain and not fancy. silver matte stand and off white lampshade)
2. 1 end table (with storage space, fairly broken in, but nothing a little minwax can't fix)
3. 1 coffee table (kinda rustic- mountain feel, i can take a picture)
4. 2 speakers (dark walnut finish. approx 24" high by 12" wide. great sound and you can hook up to your t.v.)
5. 1 t.v.
6. 1 vcr
7. many vcr movies (too many to mention, but maybe you want some and maybe you want all. to give you an idea: breakfast at tiffany's, dumb and dumber, an affair to remember, shakespeare in love, truman story...)
8. many rubbermaid footlockers (great for storage in the garage...)
9. 4 rubbermaid drawers (kinda big, clean, great for storage. i kept these in my closet)
10. 2 book shelves (collapseable, kinda cool, but not too big. you may need to see the picture)

let me know if anyone is interested in any of these things and i can bring them to san jorge. if you change your mind after seeing the items, it's not a big deal. i will either leave them at a thrift store in san jorge or take them back to lake arowhead and leave them at the thrift store there. if anyone has any questions, just let me know. xoxo, lu.

Happy Birthday Brandino!

Change of Address

Hi guys,

Now that I officially have access to my mailbox at my new apartment, I thought it would be a good time to inform you of my new address:

3601 Parkview Ln. Apt. #23A

Irvine, CA 92612-1750

Lu's Visit to St. George

hi everyone, i was thinking about driving out to san jorge on friday september 12 and arriving late afternoon around 5pm. then i thought about leaving either sunday night or monday morning. if this is not a good time, then just let me know. does anyone have any plans for that weekend? is there anything emmet would like for his birthday even though it's not until the 25th? maybe a transformer something? also, what sizes are emmet and anike wearing these days? and can i hit someone up for a place to stay? i miss everyone and i can't wait to see you guys. i think about everyone all the time. xoxo, lu.