The Ordeal

You see this top photo? We went to storage to get a bench for Janna's new house. Who could have imagined it would be in the very back, on the bottomest bottom, piled with the boxiest boxes, from floor to ceiling?

First, I had to make sure Janna understood procedure: "All the furniture likes to be referred to in the feminine. And you have to say 'git r done'. And you should grunt a lot. This junk likes it like that." At least that's how we rolled over at Skinny Bitches Moving Co. (Cara is much stronger than she looks.)

Next: to ascertain if she was really down there somewhere. We weren't about to do heavy lifting without an assurance of the little lady's exact location. I creeped carefully in, over lifetimes of stuff, reached carefully down and started to feel around blindly. "Welp, she's down there all right," said Dr. Alana "I'd say she's at least 85 % effaced and dilated to 4 or 5 centimeters. It won't be long now."

That's when the demolition derby began. Couches were sliding down the hall. Garbage bags went a flyin'. Knuckles were a bleedin'. I tried to remember my counting and breathing techniques. At around 8 centimeters, just entering transition, our She Storage wanted to give up. But we just couldn't quit now.

And then it happened! We had our hands on her. Nurse Janna was holding one end and I the other. With one last grunt of git r done she was rounding the corner and heading out the door. "She's crowning! She's crowning!" yelped Dr. Alana, suddenly realizing two guys down the hall were cracking up. They had been listening to her entire labor!

With a long sigh of relief, her ordeal was finally over. We wrapped the 80 pounder in Brandon's pink blankie and laid her in the back of the pick up. A girl. A sweet little girl. Congratulations Janna. She's just beautiful!

The team went right back to work. There were some third degree tears but we got her back together. In fact, I think she looks better than before.