July 31, 2011

Sunday morning... awoke to rain. thunder. lightning.
have till noon for work time.....
"CBS Sunday Morning" is entitled "Second Chances" - a story about turning a life around
Read the new "Ensign" cover-to cover. last page is a painting of 3 women holding "the light" - a glowing lotus flower, -the ring on my finger-
Rain is pouring down .... a phone call..... don't come in to work today. A GIFT.
Collapse on the couch and drift off into the blackness..... the rain washes it away.
I am loved. A GIFT.
Awake to a movie... "The Last Samurai"... about honor... "don't ever forget who you are or where you came from." I cry.
Ian asleep, safe.... in "the nest." I peek once in a while and remember the babies I used to hold in my arms.
The rain comes down. earth-shaking clap of thunder/lightning flashes at the same time... it is on top of us. A GIFT.
Another movie, "Vanilla Sky".... "every minute is a chance to change the course of your life." ......Tom Cruise chooses the pain and uncertainty of real life instead of a neverending, perfectly-colored dream.
I cry again. I chose this.
A knock on the door.... the missionaries..... Ian spends a 1/2 hour talking to them. I feel safe. A GIFT.

The earth smells sweet & is sparkling under the sun.... now making it's appearance. Everything is washed clean. Everything is happy.
My horoscope today:
"Discipline and attention to the sand slipping through the hourglass are the journey's themes. Stagnant energy is a sign that it's time to get moving."

Evening falls. The cat is finally awake.... an owl(?) starts to call to me from it's unseen perch in the tree. It sounds throaty, and calm, and deeply soothing....
A friend. A GIFT. This night is filled with magic.
I am loved.
Say goodnight to the world....
the old wooden deck is cool and damp beneath my bare feet. The sky is filled with stars. Big Dipper is making it's journey around the sky... getting lower as the season marches on. I look up. A streak of light, a shooting star, blazes through the darkness. A GIFT!
I stare in wonder at one star(?) directly over my head. It is of a different color, substance, shape than all the rest in the sky. Bright-bluish- CLEAR is its' color.
I am loved. I feel them all now... so much closer and a million times each day....

This day is all that matters.
Love is all that matters.
Family is all that matters....
The best gift....
My Saviour's love.
He loves me.

..... I pick up a pen, and write for the first time in many years.......