Pray, He Is There

Some of you have heard by now of my little psychotic episode last night. In essence, it was a bad dream that left me thinking someone was going to die. Surely, we all have lingering post-traumatic stress from the last few horrifying years. I was nearly having a panic attack. I couldn't decide if it was real or if I needed a psychiatrist.

So I did the only thing I could. I prayed. I felt comforted and peaceful enough to go back to sleep but still awoke with plenty of anxiety. I hardly slept so I didn't make it to sacrament meeting at 9 but went at 10 to teach primary. During the primary hymns I felt the most powerful comfort. It was so real and tangible and came directly to me out of nowhere. Peace, joy, comfort, LOVE. (ah, yes, I remember you guys...the fruits of the spirit... I've missed you.) I knew everything was fine. This almost shocked me. It has been a long while since I really thought about how real God is.

Comparable is my shock each time spring comes. When I see those first green shoots of grass in the desert it's like Whoa! What? It's really happening again? A miracle! I've been so lazy about my spirituality and powerful moments like the one today have been far-between. It gave me the same shock. Whoa! What? God is really real and really does hear my every prayer! A miracle!

We went into our little CTR 5 classroom and our lesson happened to be My Heavenly Father Watches Over Me. He is real. And cares. What a shocker! Why do I have to keep re-realizing this over and over in my life?

When I was twelve, living on Arbon, I had the most horrible, freaky, evil dream. I woke up and did the only thing I could... prayed. When I finally fell back asleep I had the most amazing, beautiful dream. I was walking with Jesus barefoot on the grass. There were other children around and I was walking behind everybody. I was aware of a big, white, temple sort of building near us. But the feeling! Oh, the feeling! It was absolute peace and joy and LOVE and comfort. I have remembered it vividly all these years and have always known it was a direct answer to my prayer- comfort just for me.

Here I am, nearly thirty years old and still having bad dreams. And Heavenly Father still comforts me as well as when I was twelve.

Do you guys remember this song from Primary? The words are always going through my mind.


I love you guys!
Pray, He is there!